Friends

Friends…

When you think of the word friend, what comes to mind?  What is a real friend? 

 For me a friend is someone who you can trust, who you love, and have an understanding relationship with.

Let’s start with trust.  Trust can mean many different things to different people.  For me trust is being able to talk to someone and divulge information about yourself without that information moving along to other ears.  Trust is trusting that person with your life.  Yes, I took it as far as saying with your life.  If you were on life support and needed someone to say whether you live or not do you trust your best friend to make the right decision for you?  Perhaps that to deep so let me keep it simple.  Do your trust your friends with your children, with your bank account information, with your sensitive information?  Trust can go in so many different directions.

A friend is someone you love and loves you back.  Can you honestly say you love your friends?  I keep a very small tight circle of friends because although I do honestly feel I love everyone in this world, even those who have betrayed me, there is a different type of love a friend gives.  A friend embodies a type of love in which you feel safe, accepted, and understood and you give the same feeling back in return.

Understanding means so much and is often misunderstood.  I personally don’t feel understood by many including family members.  To really understand where someone is coming from and their intentions means really knowing a person which involves listening and awareness.  Not many humans are good at listening.  Listening is an art in which matters so much.  If I consider a person a friend, I also consider them a great listener.  No, I’m not one to go on and on about my problems because to be honest that’s just annoying to only hear someone’s problems in a friendship.  Listening involves being aware of someone’s non-verbal communication as well as their audible and being able to pick up on their subtle cues when in person.  A great friend can also pick up on subtle cues even over the phone because they know you so well.

The thing about life is some friends come and go and some are lifelong.  Throughout life you will lose friends and make new ones because that’s just how life goes.  Some friends are seasonal and for these you have to know when to let them go and move on.  Humans change throughout the course of their lives because of life changing circumstances, tragedy, happiness, birth, love, marriage, death, accident, school, drugs, career, self-education, media, and so many more things.  When people change it can be for the good or bad.  I know who try so hard to hold onto friends who know longer have purposes in one another lives but just because they’ve been friends for so long.  To be a good friends means knowing when to let someone go one throughout life if you are the friend who drags them down and keeps them growing in life.  Letting go is hard, but at times it’s needed.  It may be the other way around and you have to let someone go because you know longer move forward in life because of this friend or perhaps one another may be keeping each other in a bad place. 

Just with all things in life friends change just as the weather changes, as the season changes, as life changes.  Some friends will be lifelong and some will be for brief short periods of time.  If you lose a friend or someone tells you they no longer wish to be friends don’t be afraid to let them go and flourish on their own.  After-all we don’t stay attached to our parents for life, we learn, we grow, and we go start our own lives because that’s life. 

Are You Present?

Talks of being present have surfaced to mainstream and social media, which has me wondering if people are just talking about being present as a fad or are people actually being fully present.  hmmmm...

Over the course of the years I've read quite a few books on being present and can say I've learned quite a bit.  Does this make me a master at being present, no.  However I do try.  Being present appears to take on different definitions depending who is talking about being present.  For me being present means to actually BE.  If I'm in a conversation with another human being you wont find me checking my phone or my head wandering about looking everywhere else.  I make it a point to be fully present with the human being in front of me by giving them eye contact, actually responding back to what they are talking about, and not letting my thoughts drift off to other places.  

When you look around public places take note of how many people are on their cell phones while at lunch, dinner, breakfast, or with another human.  I meet up with different people and notice how they can't put their phones down or go running to their phone if it rings.  I understand people have children and need to stay in contact for their safety, for those who have adult children why are you running to your phone?  

If I'm working on a project I try to put my all into it, even if it's something I don't like I will make it the best I can while doing my absolute best.  I've had jobs I didn't like very much, but guarantee I performed highly being and doing the best I could.  If I'm at work and a co-worker speaks to me I actually turn and face them.  Not just my head, but my entire body so they know they have my full attention.  I personally don't prefer to talk to people who can't even look at me, it's actually kind of annoying.  Like dang, you can't put your phone down for a second to speak, or you can't spare 30 seconds out of your day to look at me.  I've worked places where I would say good morning to people walking in and they would keep their heads turned away from me and just give me a wave.  Wow, what you're doing is that important in life.  Okay buddy.  I'm going to say it, work is not that important when there is a live breathing human being.  Of course you can't diddy daddle around talking forever, however there's nothing wrong with brief eye contact and a hello.  

When you're present with another human you get to see their facial expressions and their body language, which at times says way more then what's coming out of their mouth audibly.  You can read a lot about a person by paying attention to their body language.  

Being present with children is extremely important.  After all you're showing them how to be present by exampling being present and without talking about being present.  You're teaching them how to communicate.  

Being present in nature is so amazing to let go of your thoughts and take awareness of the sound of the wind, birds singing, dogs barking, a lizard running through the brush, the precise trail of ants, the forms of the trees, the beautiful colors.  There is so much to take note of in nature that remind you of how simple and delicate life really is.  

I love to be present with our pets and watch them play, they are hilarious to watch and most importantly they enjoy and love the attention of me being present with them.  Have you noticed how pets will look you in the eyes?  

I love being present with my baby boy in the oven and feeling his kicks and movements.  What a wonderful feeling to feel his life inside of me!!!  I can't help but smile. 

A lot of being present for me means to turn off my thoughts and BE!  Turning off your thoughts is something we can all do, just stop thinking and BE!  It's so enjoyable.  

Try being present with the next person you are with and instead of thinking of your agenda and the point you don't need to make, the opinion you don't need to give, the judgment you can keep to yourself, the gossip that's garbage, just be present and listen.  Be present with your children, with your pets, with nature, with your co-workers, while washing dishes, while taking a bath.  Throw your thoughts out and turn them off and just be.  You can do it you human you, I believe in you.  

Why Leaving the Negativity Out of Family Communication Will Increase Healthy Relationships

So many families these days are blended with Step Siblings, Step Mothers, Step Fathers, and Step Grandparents compiling a big mixing bowl of new family members.  Not only are families blended with new brothers and sisters but also mixed with new cultures.  Our family comprises it all.

My parents divorced I believe almost 10 years ago now, crazy how time just pushes along and years have went by.  They are both re-married now and with their new marriages came new Step Parents and five new Step Siblings.  I can honestly say I get along well with all of of my Step Siblings and love each of their uniqueness and new personalities they bring.  I've had some highs and lows with my Step Parents and at the end of the day I check myself and remind myself that these are the people my parents chose out of love and just as any relationship there will be arguments and disagreements and most importantly am I judging them more harshly because they aren't my biological parents?  Am I treating them with love?

I was one of those who thought my parents would never divorce so when it happened it was like pigs flying to me.  Parents divorce doesn't only impact the parents but the children as well know matter what age they might be.  I was in my late twenties when my parents divorced and couldn't image their home breaking apart and at the time couldn't imagine them moving on to other people, it didn't even cross my mind.

What I've learned from my parents divorce along with many other friends and families members divorces is that if it ever happens to me, which I hope it doesn't that I will have to accept that my once partner will be in a new relationship with new children.  I will have to accept that another women may nurture my children as if they are her own and they will develop relationships with a new family.  Your children will always view you as their Mother or fFather because the love of a biological mother or father can't be replaced.  

With divorce or dissolve in a relationship you can either hate the person you're Ex Wife/Ex Husband/Ex Boyfriend/Ex Girlfriend is with or you can accept them.  Talking down about the new spouse of an ex lover to your children doesn't help, nor does talking down about your ex to your children know matter what the age.  It only makes you come across as jealous and unable to adapt.  Allowing your children to decide about the people in their lives should be completely left up to them and most importantly for you, now it's time to move forward with your happiness.  You can either continue to reflect on what could've been, how things were, how you were treated, what could've been done differently, how your ex treats their new partner differently then how they treated you, not wanting your children to develop new relationships with families, but where will this get you?  Your children know matter what shouldn't have to hear these things.  If you're saying these things, STOP!  Keep your negativity to yourself.  Instead you can focus your energy on being the best person you can be and being happy while moving forward.

If you're now with someone you don't see a future in, change it!  Don't hold on for comfort, run and change it fast because years will go on and you will continue to feel uncomfortableness.  Be an example of what a happy person is, be an example of positive change, be an example of moving forward, be an example of not speaking negatively about others, be an example of only being in a relationship if it's complete love and acceptance, be an example!

I remember years ago being in a relationship in which my partner had a child and the child's mother would send me nasty/rude texts and call me saying such negative things about me and my partner.  I could've lowered myself to her level but instead I chose to not let her negatively impact the way in which I treat her child, I never spoke negatively about her, and when I saw her I acknowledged her presence saying hi with a smile on my face everytime.  Don't let another person rob you of your happiness.  To be honest they're not the ones robbing you, you're robbing yourself.  You have a choice to choose happiness or bitter resentment and anger.  Happiness is always a better choice.

Please refrain from telling your children know matter what the age they are choosing another Mother and Father over you.  Don't guilt trip them.  Instead take a step back and re-analyze yourself while asking self, am I being love?  Could there be something I could be doing differently in a positive way.  Don't put expectations on your children, if they don't come around enough you can let them know you love spending time with them and bring up happy memories.  Refrain from putting it on them because you may just be doing something that's pushing them away.  You can ask if you are, but don't place the blame all on them.  If you ask, accept their response without being defensive and perhaps you can then ask how the relationship can move forward in a loving positive way.  It's hard for people to accept answers they don't want to hear, swallow your pride and focus on the love.

If you want a child/friend/partner to spend more time with you then start initiating.  Perhaps they need time to realize again that you are a safe place, so call them and have brief conversations keeping it all positive and one day these conversations will get longer and longer with face to face contact next.  People like to talk to people who speak happiness and positivity.  Don't speak negatively about anyone in your conversation know matter how you may feel about another, if you can't refrain from speaking negatively about them then don't bring them up.  If the other person brings them up you can say things like, "I wish them happiness," "I hope all is well with them,"  or simply change the subject.  It's that simple.  But don't intentionally bring your negativity into the conversation.  When you find yourself thinking, I wish this person would call me or come over, call them and have light convo.  Call them and set up a date to get together.  If they break the date they may just need more time.  It's not up to you to decide if it's been to long, simply just keep reaching out in a loving way.  Be love.

Yesterday I spent such a good day with my Mother, Father, Stepmother, Mother-in-law, and Love of my life.  We went to our Baby Boys 3D/4D ultrasound and we were all together.  Everyone got along and there was no negativity, it was such a memorable experience.  It was nice to see that my Mother and Father could be in the same room together and smile and be happy.  I hope you are able to provide that type of experience for your children as well.

BE LOVE, BE HAPPY.

How are Pets Therapeutic and Beneficial to Life?

I'm not talking about sit down across from your pet and let them do therapy with you... or am I?  Pets can be some of the best medicine.  We have an Italian Mastiff named Brew and two cats named Fester and Tigger who are currently sleeping on top of my feet hogging all the room.  I love them!

Have you ever had a bad day, which I'm sure you have you human and needed to calm down or get your mind off of things.  Instead of picking up the phone and calling a friend or family member with your negativity, instead of posting it on social media making you look like a poor me Debbie Downer, instead of drinking or smoking your problems away giving you a hangover, why don't you try spending some quality time with your pets.

Some days I just pause and watch my two cats.  These two are a comedy show!  They hunt each other, slap each other in the face with their paws, they play tag, they steal each others toys, they play fight, they steal my stuff, they are hilarious to watch and really do make me laugh out loud.  Tigger walks past the same spot on the floor everyday all day long and at least once a day he tries to attack the spot on the floor.  He will do back flips, jump at it with all his might, tap at it, it's as if the spot comes to life once or twice a day and talks crap to him and he tries to get back at it.  He's hilarious to watch with his spot on the floor.  They have me going from dull to happiness in a heartbeat!

Pets can change your mood for the better.  I find myself holding my phone about to do who knows what that I don't need to do and when one of my furry family members jumps on my lap rubbing against my phone I can't help but put my phone down and spend time with them.  Their fully present minds help me to keep in check and remind myself, this is the only moment I have, why not spend it with a being that has a heartbeat who loves me unconditionally instead of picking my phone back up to do nothingness.

Pets love us sooooooooooo much and we need to ensure we are giving them that same love back.  Why and how are pets beneficial to life?  Well Honey here's a list;

1) Pets decrease loneliness
2) Pets increase happiness
3) Pets decrease depression
4) Pets reduce anxiety
5) Pets bring you back to the present moment
6) Pets love you unconditionally
7) You are your pets happiness
8) Pets are hilarious to watch
9) Pets give you a since of loyalty
10) Pets lower your stress levels
11) Pets give you someone to cuddle with
12) Pets increase your activity, go walk your dog
13) Pets are great date magnets
14) Pets provide companionship
15) Pets decrease Alzheimer outbursts
16) Pets increase your alive days on Earth
17) Pets lower blood pressure
18) Pets increase levels of serotonin and dopamine in your body
19) Pets love you know matter what
20) Pets improve your cardiovascular health
21) Walking your dog increases your social interactions with other humans

I can go on and on with why and how pets are beneficial to your life.  If you don't have a pet you should get one.  If you have a pet I hope you increase the time you spend with your furry bundle of love.

I love when I get home from anywhere and how our two cats and dog run to the door to greet me.  I make sure to stop and pet all three and say hi to them and show them I missed them as well and love them oh so much!

Yes, you can just sit and talk to your pet and they will look at you tilting their heads and rubbing up against you and remind you that no matter what, everything is okay.