Quality Time or Phone Time

Quality time is relative!  Relative to you and the way in which you view the world along with your place in it.  Now that I have a son I find myself constantly analyzing what quality time means to my family.  I want to ensure I'm giving my family all of me as opposed to tuned out me.

Since quality time can be viewed as relative, for me it means putting my phone down, turning off the television, moving magazines out of eyesight, and giving my full attention to my family.  I don't want to be the type of parent whom is constantly on their phone.  I want my family to know that they mean more to me then what's going on with Instagram, Facebook, or Pinterest.  Well... I don't have Facebook, I'm sure you get my drift.  I love Instagram and have recent developed a love for Pinterest, however they don't mean more to me then my family.  

The simple act of having your phone in eyesight impedes conversation, slows creativity, and reduces the simple relationship connection.  While my son is watching everything I do and say I want to ensure I'm displaying appropriate behaviors for him.  I want him to know that he deserves and will get my full attention.  I want him to know cell phones don't run this world....  at least not my world as I can't speak for all.  

I've told myself on many occasions that I'm just going to check Instagram or my email for a second, however I've noticed some seconds turn into minutes and with a couple blinks 30 minutes may have went by while my son is roaming or watching television.  I'm not a perfect human so when I do make these mistakes I ensure to check myself and put that crap away because family time is much more important to me.  

A cell phone out of eye sight can and will increase your healthy communication skills.  Put that crap away!

I Love You!

Knock Knock

Do you knock when you go to your friends or family members homes?  This simple question can turn into a big debate depending on who you talk to.

Knock Knock!  I prefer to knock!  I personally enjoy having a heads up if someone is at the front door with a knock.  Why?  What if I don't want to see you?  This gives me a chance to hide and ignore you because maybe you didn't call before showing up and I'm walking around the house in my beautiful birthday suit imagining what I'm going to do next.. hopefully make love to my man!  But DANGIT NOW YOU'RE WALKING IN!  We're trying to make a baby here, please don't mess that up!  

Need another reason- if you're anything like me I like to get in a workout whenever there is time.  Half the time that means mostly naked or halfway naked, and BAM YOU WALK IN!  My new thoughts, boy would I enjoy throwing my front door at you... I would never do this, but that thought helps me to not scream and yell at you for barging in on my five seconds of free time to work on my health.  

Even if you did call it's a great idea to announce your energy at the door before you just walk in.  Every energy is different and I personally enjoy mentally preparing my energy for yours because I don't want my energy drained completely by your visit.  Let me put it this way- YOU NEVER KNOW HOW SOMEONE FEELS ABOUT YOU so be nice and announce yourself whether you're family or even THE best friend.   You never know what someone is going through at the time and BAM you walk in!  Be nice and knock and wait for someone to come to the door.  Maybe I'm busy hiding things I don't want you to see and BAM- YOU BARGE IN!  WTFudgersicle!  

Or are you THAT PERSON- "I don't have to knock when I go to my family members or friends homes."  I'd like to personally throw a pie at your face and knock you off your high horse with your narcissistic self.  If you're that person, do me a favor please,  go look in the mirror and tell yourself- SELF< STOP BEING SELFISH!  OTHER PEOPLES LIVES DON'T REVOLVE AROUND ME AND MY SELFISH NEEDS AND SELFISH THOUGHTS!  I WILL KNOCK ON ALL DOORS!  

GOOD JOB!

With the holidays please remember to be kind and KNOCK KNOCK!

I LOVE YOU MORE WHEN YOU KNOCK! 

Are You NICE?

Nice Humans... Do you know some?

Over the past few months I’ve had a few encounters with some humans who weren’t very nice?  Why?  Who knows? 

First impressions imprint into the human brain instantly.  Within the first 10 seconds of meeting someone humans judge and come to realizations, from which the human is then categorized into the human brain. Which category do you fall into when you meet people?

I know I’m not the best which means I’m definitely striving to be a nice human to those I come into contact with, but some of you humans are really testing me lately.  What would Jesus do?  What would the Dalai Lama do?  What would your Grandma do?  What would Zulekha do?  Apparently at times I will yell, flip someone off, curse, and maybe just curse someone out in my head.  I’M TRYING NOT TO DO THESE THINGS…  walk away is the best answer when it comes to the rude humans.  

In Febraury I met someone who looked me up and down like I was a piece of… oh I wont say.  This really hurt my feelings and got me thinking, wow I don’t even know this human nor does this human know me but they give me nothing but negativity.  We can’t change everyones minds about us when they choose to judge.  We can make our best attempts to not let these encounters sway us and instead we can stand tall, smile, and move forward with our lives. Afterall there are so many NICE, COMPASSIONATE SOULS, HAPPY HUMANS, GIVING NOTHING BUT UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD.  

As humans all inhabiting this Earth let’s try and make great attempts to be nice to one another.  When we meet for the first time let’s not look at skin color, clothing, hair, stature and anything else that causes instant judgment.  Let’s smile and introduce ourselves and hope the BEST! 

I LOVE YOU.

Simple Human

We recently bought a new trash can from Simple Human which got me thinking...  how simple am I?

Am I holding on to crap I know longer need because I think I might need it one day?  Am I materialistic?  Am I holding onto friends who know longer fit into my life or may even be dangerous for my life?  Simple human questions to ponder along with a whole lot more.

Just like you I live in this Universe where as humans you wouldn't even see us if taking a glance from space.  Yet, we make ourselves out to be so important and some portray they are better then others.  Are you a human who speaks to other humans?  What if that human is homeless?  Would you help your fellow human?  Although many wouldn't call it an opportunity, I had the amazing opportunity for my life to be drastically changed a few years ago and went from driving my muscle car, my own spot, and my fun life to sleeping on buses, sleeping in the streets, muscle car gone, money gone, and living daily with no place to call home.  This was the best thing that could've happened to me although I didn't realize it.  It brought me back to SIMPLICITY.

As humans we don't need much when we think we need everything.  I can't have kids until I land that job, can't travel until I make this much money, I need this car, and that toy, and gimme, gimme, and gimme some more.  We want so much all while missing the amazingness all around us every single day all day long.  Life is so simple, yet we make it so dramatic.  Why?  Who are you trying to impress human?  

I met the most amazing people on Earth when I was roaming and leaving my material possessions behind to never be seen again.  I had the best conversations with other people who didn't have all that jazz that society is selling us.  I had the best insights while sitting on the beach or simply walking.  I learned there are humans who don't have conversations about themselves and drama.  The simple act of physically moving your body forward and walking sparks creativity and gets your brain going.   I learned so much about myself by being without.  I learned so much about "friends and family."  I learned my friends and family are everywhere as we are all interconnected to one another and this amazing Universe.  I learned strangers are family members we are yet to meet.  Some should be avoided like the plague and beautiful energy sent their way because after-all, that human is also one with you which makes you them and them YOU!

How simple is your life or are you living in chaos?  Here's a simple start, remove the clutter out of your life.  We don't need to own EVERYTHING.  Shed items and humans that know longer make your life a BETTER LIFE, stop waiting!  Feathers will be ruffled and when they are be a duck, shake it off, and move forward.  Your future self will thank you for it.

WHAT CAN YOU REMOVE?
1) junk
2) humans- stop waiting for that perfect time.  DO IT NOW!
3) old clothes
4) clean your garage
5) clean your car out
6) any items blocking natural sunlight from entering your home
7) clutter out of walkways and doorways- why shouldn't you move easily throughout your home?
8) old toys
9) useless chatter in your mind- yep, that can removed too
10) negative thinking
11) negative humans
12) negativity
13) bad relationships
14) self sabotaging self talk
15) whatever is not bringing you back to simplicity

Everyday we are teaching one another whether it be vicarious or direct.  We learn from one another through observation and contact.  We learn we either want to be nothing like that human or more like that human.  We learn about ourselves by watching others.  What you see that human do that you don't like- remove the same actions that cause you to be like that human from your life.  Remove the excess and bring YOU back to SIMPLICITY.

I LOVE YOU, YOU SIMPLE HUMAN YOU.

SEX

Let’s talk about SEX baby! Are you having it?  Are you enjoying it?  Are you fearing it?

Most humans have sex whether in or out of a relationship.  Some choose multiple sex partners, some choose monogamy, some choose abstinence, and some are just plain old confused by the act.  Which are you?

I’m in a monogamous relationship, so my Love and I are only having sex with one another because that’s what we choose.  We’re nudists so other humans think we have sex with multiple humans, however we’re not lifestyle when it comes to the act.  So were having amazing sex just with each other.  I personally love sex and feel now that I’m in my mid 30’s I honestly enjoy it so much more.  I attribute increased enjoyment to increased self-awareness, insight, body acceptance, and happiness.  

When I was single unfortunately I wasn’t having much sex.  Why?  Fear of catching something.  Now that I’m in a relationship OMGoodness, SEX Please, oh were done… more sex please!

Women with children in relationships, I’m calling out to you!  Let’s have a brief chat…

Are you having sex on the regular?  Are you purposely making excuses to not have sex with you partner? Are you to tired?  Well Mama, shake all that off, take your clothes off, and jump on top of your man or lady!  Would you rather someone else do it?  Let me increase your awareness of the outside world for a second.  When your man or women leaves your home he or she will encounter and observe numerous other humans throughout their day and you know what? There will be some out of this world good looking people they come across.  They will see sex all day long, observe what’s peeking out of low cut shirts, taking a second glance at that juicy booty that walked by, noticing that bulge, and taking secret looks at those muscles.  At the end of the day are they coming home to you in a mumu looking as sloppy as you can look?

            Think on that one for a bit! 

So what can we do as women? Try!  Make an effort with the way you look, with what you put on, I’m asking you to make an attempt to be sexy.  Is that too much to ask for?  Or would you rather your partner get laid by that sexy lil thang at the gas station?  Hmmmm….  Oh, you don’t feel sexy?  What can you do to make efforts to feel good about yourself?  Workout, drink more water, stop eating your kids treats when you give them out, go for a walk with your kids, make healthy food choices, where flattering clothes, just a few things to think of…  do something that make your partner say, “dayuuum you look good,” hey sexy!”  

All the single ladies! All the single men!  How’s your sex life?  What do you want it to be?  I don’t hate on anyone who chooses multiple partners, after all Bobby Brown said it’s your prerogative.  Single people tend to do better about feeling good about themselves.  Meaning singles have increased confidence, tend to hit the gym more often, purchase flattering clothes, walk with heads held high, and all that jazz.  Protect yourself and have a freaking orgasmic blast!  If you don’t feel good about yourself, do something about it!!!!

Ladies, I’m calling out to you again!  How often are you initiating sex with your partner?  Keep your partners sexual eyes for you burning!  Are you not initiating…  start!  Your partner will be so happy!  Oh, are you one of THOSE WOMEN who get mad if your partner slaps your ass, grabs your boobs, or touches your hakunamatata?  Don’t get mad, if it’s in public the singles are secretly wishing they had that type of affection daily.  Take a lesson from your partner and the next time your partner walks by give a sexual touch or grab.  It could lead to…. ohhhh, ahhhhh, yeaaaaa!

With that said, go have fun! Oh I forgot, do you not feel like you’re good enough?  Watch a porno or have more talks with your friend who thoroughly enjoys sex and take some notes!  

Hope this post wasn’t to sexy for you...  if it was, watch a porno!  Even better, make a porno!   

I almost forgot!  Make sure you are going down on your partner!  Remember, what you don't do-that sexy lil thang at the gas station will.... so do it!!!

Merry Christmas and Happy Thoughts

Happy  Holidays and a very Merry Christmas to you all.  I love you.  

I hope everyone has had a happy holiday to those who celebrate and happy days to those who don't.  I love the holidays, people are nicer, happier, and all that jazz.  What do the holidays mean to you?

When I think of the holidays I fantasize about Christmas gatherings, music, enjoying time with one another, good spirited humans, an overall joyful time with lots of food, love, and a Happy Happy New Year!

I love the holidays!

Are you a happy person to be around during the holidays?  Take a minute, sit back, and think?  Do I give off good vibes and love to people?  If I don't it needs to be fixed ASAP.  If I do, am I doing it everyday and not just the holidays?

It's important to yourself and for those you come into contact with to have good energy and a positive well being.  After all, who likes a Debby Downer-I don't and neither do You!  I love cheerful humans with positive things to speak about and forget the gossip, we all know it's annoying.  Be happy!  Do what you have to do to achieve that happiness and to put a smile on your face, you deserve it.  What does that mean to you, to put a smile on your own face?  Do you even know anymore?

To put a smile on my face, I write... duh.  I listen to good music, speak to those who are happy humans without negativity, dance, laugh, workout, watch favorite shows, capture, go places, and most of all be with my family and cuddle up with my Man.  It's good to know what put's a smile on your face, by having that insight you can boost your spirits.  Don't ever blame other humans for you being sad, depressed, or mad.  Yes, they will do things that make you upset, but YOU HAVE THE POWER to continue to allow yourself to be mad, sad, depressed, or move on to things that make you happy.  We all have flaws, those are just your thoughts and you always have the ability to change them.  Smile.  

Happy Holidays.  I love you!

You Are Your Thoughts

Your thoughts run your world...

Have you ever sat back and though about your thoughts?  The very act of thinking about your thoughts is called metacognition.  When our brains develop around age 12 we all have the ability to think about our thoughts.  

1) What messages do you tell yourself throughout the day?

2) What do you say about other people in your head that you come across in life?

3) Are your thoughts mostly positive or negative?

4) What is the first thing you think about when you wake up? Positive or negative?

5) Do you have a positive view of your world or negative?

6) Do you build yourself up or bring yourself down with your thoughts?

These are just a few simple questions to ask yourself.  If your'e not sure about the answer take the rest of your day to analyze your thoughts as you go about your human activities.  At the end of the day you have an awareness of what type of thinker you are.

It's extremely important to have awareness of what you tell yourself throughout your human day.  If you come to a realization that most of your thoughts are putting others down, putting yourself down, negative outlook, poor view of the world around you then you can change all of this.  It's simple!  All you have to do is bring more awareness to your thoughts and when you find yourself going down a negative thought alley, change it!  Just like that, just change it.  Here's how:

1) The world is against me/ I'm the creator of my own destiny

2) I can't stand people/ everyone is different and uniquely beautiful in their own way

3) People are toxic/ there is so much I can learn from others insecurities or negative personality traits because I see myself in others.  Once you see yourself in others you can make healthy changes

4) I hate my job/ this job is just for now and it's allowing me to apply for other jobs.  This job is just for now because it's giving me the money to work on my dreams

5) I hate the people I work with/ I can learn a lot from those I work with and they are teaching me how to communicate with difficult people

6) I'm so unhappy/ I'm grateful to have another day on Earth to begin pursuing my dreams and be the best human I can be

7) They are so annoying/ What do I do that's just like them that I can start changing to better my own character

Try to see the best in things know matter what happens!  I had a career I couldn't stand at one point.  During that time I would spend my breaks and lunch breaks writing down ways to pursue my dreams.  When I would go home I would then put time into my dreams instead of being caught in negative thoughts about my career.  

Did someone do you bad in your past or hurt you.  How long are you going to hold onto that hurt before you move on?  You are only hurting yourself at this point by not letting go.  Can't get over your divorce and how your partner treated you?  Now you are being the toxic human that won't move forward and spending to much time in negative thoughts.  Is that all you talk about, your past hurts?  I can bet other humans don't like interacting with you much because you are a Debby Downer.  Change that!  Be a positive person and shut up about your past hurts and start building a beautiful future each day!

You have the power to create your own destiny.  You can only blame yourself if you choose not to put time and energy into pursuing your dreams.  Stop blaming other humans for your downfalls and instead put time and energy into building your character, pursuing your dreams, and doing whatever it is that makes you smile.  You are the creator of your own destiny.  

Go be a better you!

Quality Time With My Family Is The Best Time

I don't want to me a Mommy who just wants to get things done.  I want to be a Mommy who spends quality time with my baby boy and my family first.  Quality time is something you can never get back nor try to replace.  Quality time for me means putting my phone down and giving my family my undivided attention.  Through my Mental Health Career over the years I learned children and teenagers just want their parents to put their phones down.  I don't want my children to feel that social media is more important then them because it's not.  Social media is a facade of a life where people paint pictures of either what they want their lives to be or flat out lie.  Yes, I have a Facebook and an Instagram but it doesn't run my life.  I hope to have my children gain from me, you don't need your phone in front of you 24/7.

Laundry will eventually get done, the dishes will get done and I'm fine with putting them off because I would rather see my son's smile, talk to my Man when he gets home from work, eat dinner together, cuddle up on the couch with my family.  These are all things which can't be replaced.  When I feed my son I don't answer the phone.  When my family is watching a movie or eating dinner together-I don't answer the phone because phone life can wait, this is family time.

When I go to my family members home's I make an effort to set my phone down and even better, leave it in my purse on vibrate because people calling and texting can wait.  I would rather give my family my undivided attention then run for my phone.  Yes, at times I do wish cell phones never happened.  They are fun, but what if they never happened?  Humans would actually be forced to talk to one another.  It's the most annoying thing to me when someone is holding my baby and then freak out because OMG their phone is going off and they make a mad dash to get to their phone.  Okay you phone controlled human, give me my baby back!  NOW!

When you're around your family remember what quality time is.  Talk to one another, if you're going to bring up the person's past speak about things which lift them up-don't focus on their past failures nor negative personality traits.  Build them up!  Put your phone down and if you're brave enough turn it off or put it on silent out of eye site because that person calling you or texting you can wait.  Theres nothing like the time you spend with someone uninterrupted when they are physically in front of you.

Now go be a nice human.

Friends

Friends…

When you think of the word friend, what comes to mind?  What is a real friend? 

 For me a friend is someone who you can trust, who you love, and have an understanding relationship with.

Let’s start with trust.  Trust can mean many different things to different people.  For me trust is being able to talk to someone and divulge information about yourself without that information moving along to other ears.  Trust is trusting that person with your life.  Yes, I took it as far as saying with your life.  If you were on life support and needed someone to say whether you live or not do you trust your best friend to make the right decision for you?  Perhaps that to deep so let me keep it simple.  Do your trust your friends with your children, with your bank account information, with your sensitive information?  Trust can go in so many different directions.

A friend is someone you love and loves you back.  Can you honestly say you love your friends?  I keep a very small tight circle of friends because although I do honestly feel I love everyone in this world, even those who have betrayed me, there is a different type of love a friend gives.  A friend embodies a type of love in which you feel safe, accepted, and understood and you give the same feeling back in return.

Understanding means so much and is often misunderstood.  I personally don’t feel understood by many including family members.  To really understand where someone is coming from and their intentions means really knowing a person which involves listening and awareness.  Not many humans are good at listening.  Listening is an art in which matters so much.  If I consider a person a friend, I also consider them a great listener.  No, I’m not one to go on and on about my problems because to be honest that’s just annoying to only hear someone’s problems in a friendship.  Listening involves being aware of someone’s non-verbal communication as well as their audible and being able to pick up on their subtle cues when in person.  A great friend can also pick up on subtle cues even over the phone because they know you so well.

The thing about life is some friends come and go and some are lifelong.  Throughout life you will lose friends and make new ones because that’s just how life goes.  Some friends are seasonal and for these you have to know when to let them go and move on.  Humans change throughout the course of their lives because of life changing circumstances, tragedy, happiness, birth, love, marriage, death, accident, school, drugs, career, self-education, media, and so many more things.  When people change it can be for the good or bad.  I know who try so hard to hold onto friends who know longer have purposes in one another lives but just because they’ve been friends for so long.  To be a good friends means knowing when to let someone go one throughout life if you are the friend who drags them down and keeps them growing in life.  Letting go is hard, but at times it’s needed.  It may be the other way around and you have to let someone go because you know longer move forward in life because of this friend or perhaps one another may be keeping each other in a bad place. 

Just with all things in life friends change just as the weather changes, as the season changes, as life changes.  Some friends will be lifelong and some will be for brief short periods of time.  If you lose a friend or someone tells you they no longer wish to be friends don’t be afraid to let them go and flourish on their own.  After-all we don’t stay attached to our parents for life, we learn, we grow, and we go start our own lives because that’s life. 

Are You Present?

Talks of being present have surfaced to mainstream and social media, which has me wondering if people are just talking about being present as a fad or are people actually being fully present.  hmmmm...

Over the course of the years I've read quite a few books on being present and can say I've learned quite a bit.  Does this make me a master at being present, no.  However I do try.  Being present appears to take on different definitions depending who is talking about being present.  For me being present means to actually BE.  If I'm in a conversation with another human being you wont find me checking my phone or my head wandering about looking everywhere else.  I make it a point to be fully present with the human being in front of me by giving them eye contact, actually responding back to what they are talking about, and not letting my thoughts drift off to other places.  

When you look around public places take note of how many people are on their cell phones while at lunch, dinner, breakfast, or with another human.  I meet up with different people and notice how they can't put their phones down or go running to their phone if it rings.  I understand people have children and need to stay in contact for their safety, for those who have adult children why are you running to your phone?  

If I'm working on a project I try to put my all into it, even if it's something I don't like I will make it the best I can while doing my absolute best.  I've had jobs I didn't like very much, but guarantee I performed highly being and doing the best I could.  If I'm at work and a co-worker speaks to me I actually turn and face them.  Not just my head, but my entire body so they know they have my full attention.  I personally don't prefer to talk to people who can't even look at me, it's actually kind of annoying.  Like dang, you can't put your phone down for a second to speak, or you can't spare 30 seconds out of your day to look at me.  I've worked places where I would say good morning to people walking in and they would keep their heads turned away from me and just give me a wave.  Wow, what you're doing is that important in life.  Okay buddy.  I'm going to say it, work is not that important when there is a live breathing human being.  Of course you can't diddy daddle around talking forever, however there's nothing wrong with brief eye contact and a hello.  

When you're present with another human you get to see their facial expressions and their body language, which at times says way more then what's coming out of their mouth audibly.  You can read a lot about a person by paying attention to their body language.  

Being present with children is extremely important.  After all you're showing them how to be present by exampling being present and without talking about being present.  You're teaching them how to communicate.  

Being present in nature is so amazing to let go of your thoughts and take awareness of the sound of the wind, birds singing, dogs barking, a lizard running through the brush, the precise trail of ants, the forms of the trees, the beautiful colors.  There is so much to take note of in nature that remind you of how simple and delicate life really is.  

I love to be present with our pets and watch them play, they are hilarious to watch and most importantly they enjoy and love the attention of me being present with them.  Have you noticed how pets will look you in the eyes?  

I love being present with my baby boy in the oven and feeling his kicks and movements.  What a wonderful feeling to feel his life inside of me!!!  I can't help but smile. 

A lot of being present for me means to turn off my thoughts and BE!  Turning off your thoughts is something we can all do, just stop thinking and BE!  It's so enjoyable.  

Try being present with the next person you are with and instead of thinking of your agenda and the point you don't need to make, the opinion you don't need to give, the judgment you can keep to yourself, the gossip that's garbage, just be present and listen.  Be present with your children, with your pets, with nature, with your co-workers, while washing dishes, while taking a bath.  Throw your thoughts out and turn them off and just be.  You can do it you human you, I believe in you.  

Why Leaving the Negativity Out of Family Communication Will Increase Healthy Relationships

So many families these days are blended with Step Siblings, Step Mothers, Step Fathers, and Step Grandparents compiling a big mixing bowl of new family members.  Not only are families blended with new brothers and sisters but also mixed with new cultures.  Our family comprises it all.

My parents divorced I believe almost 10 years ago now, crazy how time just pushes along and years have went by.  They are both re-married now and with their new marriages came new Step Parents and five new Step Siblings.  I can honestly say I get along well with all of of my Step Siblings and love each of their uniqueness and new personalities they bring.  I've had some highs and lows with my Step Parents and at the end of the day I check myself and remind myself that these are the people my parents chose out of love and just as any relationship there will be arguments and disagreements and most importantly am I judging them more harshly because they aren't my biological parents?  Am I treating them with love?

I was one of those who thought my parents would never divorce so when it happened it was like pigs flying to me.  Parents divorce doesn't only impact the parents but the children as well know matter what age they might be.  I was in my late twenties when my parents divorced and couldn't image their home breaking apart and at the time couldn't imagine them moving on to other people, it didn't even cross my mind.

What I've learned from my parents divorce along with many other friends and families members divorces is that if it ever happens to me, which I hope it doesn't that I will have to accept that my once partner will be in a new relationship with new children.  I will have to accept that another women may nurture my children as if they are her own and they will develop relationships with a new family.  Your children will always view you as their Mother or fFather because the love of a biological mother or father can't be replaced.  

With divorce or dissolve in a relationship you can either hate the person you're Ex Wife/Ex Husband/Ex Boyfriend/Ex Girlfriend is with or you can accept them.  Talking down about the new spouse of an ex lover to your children doesn't help, nor does talking down about your ex to your children know matter what the age.  It only makes you come across as jealous and unable to adapt.  Allowing your children to decide about the people in their lives should be completely left up to them and most importantly for you, now it's time to move forward with your happiness.  You can either continue to reflect on what could've been, how things were, how you were treated, what could've been done differently, how your ex treats their new partner differently then how they treated you, not wanting your children to develop new relationships with families, but where will this get you?  Your children know matter what shouldn't have to hear these things.  If you're saying these things, STOP!  Keep your negativity to yourself.  Instead you can focus your energy on being the best person you can be and being happy while moving forward.

If you're now with someone you don't see a future in, change it!  Don't hold on for comfort, run and change it fast because years will go on and you will continue to feel uncomfortableness.  Be an example of what a happy person is, be an example of positive change, be an example of moving forward, be an example of not speaking negatively about others, be an example of only being in a relationship if it's complete love and acceptance, be an example!

I remember years ago being in a relationship in which my partner had a child and the child's mother would send me nasty/rude texts and call me saying such negative things about me and my partner.  I could've lowered myself to her level but instead I chose to not let her negatively impact the way in which I treat her child, I never spoke negatively about her, and when I saw her I acknowledged her presence saying hi with a smile on my face everytime.  Don't let another person rob you of your happiness.  To be honest they're not the ones robbing you, you're robbing yourself.  You have a choice to choose happiness or bitter resentment and anger.  Happiness is always a better choice.

Please refrain from telling your children know matter what the age they are choosing another Mother and Father over you.  Don't guilt trip them.  Instead take a step back and re-analyze yourself while asking self, am I being love?  Could there be something I could be doing differently in a positive way.  Don't put expectations on your children, if they don't come around enough you can let them know you love spending time with them and bring up happy memories.  Refrain from putting it on them because you may just be doing something that's pushing them away.  You can ask if you are, but don't place the blame all on them.  If you ask, accept their response without being defensive and perhaps you can then ask how the relationship can move forward in a loving positive way.  It's hard for people to accept answers they don't want to hear, swallow your pride and focus on the love.

If you want a child/friend/partner to spend more time with you then start initiating.  Perhaps they need time to realize again that you are a safe place, so call them and have brief conversations keeping it all positive and one day these conversations will get longer and longer with face to face contact next.  People like to talk to people who speak happiness and positivity.  Don't speak negatively about anyone in your conversation know matter how you may feel about another, if you can't refrain from speaking negatively about them then don't bring them up.  If the other person brings them up you can say things like, "I wish them happiness," "I hope all is well with them,"  or simply change the subject.  It's that simple.  But don't intentionally bring your negativity into the conversation.  When you find yourself thinking, I wish this person would call me or come over, call them and have light convo.  Call them and set up a date to get together.  If they break the date they may just need more time.  It's not up to you to decide if it's been to long, simply just keep reaching out in a loving way.  Be love.

Yesterday I spent such a good day with my Mother, Father, Stepmother, Mother-in-law, and Love of my life.  We went to our Baby Boys 3D/4D ultrasound and we were all together.  Everyone got along and there was no negativity, it was such a memorable experience.  It was nice to see that my Mother and Father could be in the same room together and smile and be happy.  I hope you are able to provide that type of experience for your children as well.

BE LOVE, BE HAPPY.

Why You Should Encourage Your Partner to Pursue Their Hobbies and Projects

When you're not working what do you find yourself doing?

This is what I do when I'm not working; blog, photography, and of course watch some movies.  But when it comes to hobbies or projects, blogging and photography are at the top of my list.  

This post came about because I found myself getting frustrated with my love for his hobbies and projects.  He stays up late sometimes working on his hobbies and/or projects and when he's not in the bed I can't sleep as well.  I was starting to make my problem his problem until I quickly checked myself.  Thank goodness I can step back and take a holistic view and see the bigger picture looking outside of myself.  

When you do what you love as a human being it makes life that much more rewarding and enjoyable.  With that said I definitely don't want to nor will I get on him anymore about coming to bed when he's lost in time with his hobbies because these are things that make him smile and happy.  I also realized how I've slacked off on my blog and photography which I've dived back into and realized how much I missed my hobbies!  At 27 weeks pregnant now I get tired faster throughout the day which has caused me to slack off on my hobbies, however I'm making sure to fit them back in because after all, these are things I love to do.

Do you have hobbies which cause you to lose track of time?  If you're in a relationship do you have a hobby apart from your partner which brings you happiness?  I hope you do?  If you feel you don't, seriously take a moment and think about what brings you joy when you do it and what causes you to lose track of time.  

Have you made the same mistake I have in coming down on your partner for spending time on their hobbies?  If so it's good to go back to them and let them know you want them to enjoy the things they do in life and if that something brings them joy to keep doing it!  In relationships we bring love to one another and at the same time we have to realize our partners have lives outside of us and encouraging them to do things they love is also showing them how much you love them and their happiness.  

Take time and jot down a list of at least 10 things you love to do.  If you're list goes beyond 10, AMAZING!  If you can't come up with even a few then increase your awareness of yourself as you go about your day so you can take notice of what brings you joy when you're doing it.  You can even look back to your childhood and recall what you daydreamed of doing or brought you happiness.  Chances are those things are most likely the same things you enjoy doing today.  

With that said, hobby on my loves!  Go do something you love!

Putting Your Phone Away Can Increase Healthy Relationships

Albert Einstein said "I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots." I don't know if Mr. Einstein said this, but if he did, I totally agree!!!


Have you noticed how everyone is constantly on their phone? Next time you go out to eat take a look around and notice how many people are on their phones as opposed to actually having physical human interaction and communicating with one another. The very presence of a cell phone on a breakfast, lunch, or dinner table impedes human interaction. How so? The person who owns the phone on the table feels the need to constantly check their phone, update where they are, see what others are up to instead of communicating with the one in front of them, the phone beeps or rings, causing live communication to come to a halt. Is it really that difficult to put a phone away for a 30min-45min meal with a live human being. But, can you do more then put it away, can you actually silence your phone? Wow, I know that's a big one, to put it away and silence it! How involved do you need to be with the outside world when you are having live human contact and connection?


Cell phones have always bothered me since they came about. Yes, I do own a cell phone. I have one of the fancy Galaxy Note 8 phones that cost way to much money. I'm guilty of spending to much money on a phone like the rest of society, however I'm not guilty of constantly reaching for my phone and having it on breakfast, lunch, or dinner tables. I'm not guilty of meeting up with a friend or family member and being on my phone checking social media/shopping/updating/searching, I'm not guilty of using my phone as a crutch during moments of silence with friends and family. After all moments of silence are a great time to reflect upon one another and the conversation at hand. Or to simply look around the room and be observant or look around outside and notice earth.


I will not silence my children by putting a tablet or phone in their face. Instead, I will interact with them and communicate with them. I've heard numerous children and even teenagers say they feel as if their parent or parents care more about their cell phone then interacting with them. That's just horrible and sad.


Humans have became so reliant on their phones for directions to where the simple act of navigating their own town or city is difficult without map quest. I've noticed numerous teenagers who can't read an analogue clock and can only tell time by digital. I've noticed so many people who don't know the difference between North, East, South, and West. Are we talking to our children and teaching them or are we checking in on other peoples lives on our cell phones as opposed to building a genuine relationship with another in person.


I don't have many friends because I don't believe social media is a way of keeping in contact and having genuine relationships. I prefer a phone call or meeting in person. Yes, it is nice to see pictures of friends and family on social media, however it's even better to have a live conversation. When was the last time you took the time to hand write someone a letter and send someone actual physical pictures through the mail?


I do believe cell phones can cause a negative impact on relationships, which is why if you ever share a meal with me you will not see my cell phone out. Live human interaction is so much better, genuine, and relationship building. The person on the phone can wait until I'm free to give them a call or text back. I'd rather build with the person right in front me.

Are you in a relationship just to be in one?

I was single for three years before I met the love of my life.  People would tell me, you're in your 30's and approaching mid 30's what are you waiting for?  Why don't you just get into a relationship?  When are you going to have kids? What are you waiting for, you're not getting any younger.

Are you in a relationship just to be in one?  Have you asked yourself this question?  Heres some things to consider;

1) Are you in love or feeling it growing to love?
2) Do more things bother you about your partner then make you happy?
3) Do you complain to other people about your partner?
4) Do you enjoy spending a lot of time with your partner?
5) Do you prefer to vacation without your partner?
6) Do you look at your partner and think, I'm so lucky to have found you...
7) Do you cuddle with your partner?
8) If you are a public affection being, do you show public affection with your partner?
9) At the end of the day do you think, I can't wait to see him/her?
10) Do they broaden your horizons?
11) Do they make you want to be a better person just by being with them?
12) Do you genuinely accept your partner?
13) Are you wishing you were with someone else?
14) Are you happy with your partners short comings?

Think about your answers to these questions and your happiness.  Your happiness is extremely important, after all at then end of the day when you close your eyes you are with yourself and it's good to have good reflections of the day.

I personally spent time in relationships I shouldn't have been in at all because I THOUGHT that was what I wanted until one day I said that's enough of this crap of being around someone I don't really enjoy and can't wait to get away from.  So from that day I decided I would be single until I met THE ONE.  I wouldn't go on repeated dates with people I knew I had zero future with, wouldn't repeat dates of those who annoyed me, wouldn't be with someone just for their title-which I never did, I chose to put myself first before everything and I mean everything!  My family probably felt I was floating in directions I shouldn't, but I was doing everything I loved and enjoyed doing it because after all I would rather meet someone while I'm doing something I love even if society doesn't agree with it.  I'm not trying to please society or my family or anyone else, just me.  That's a hard pill for some to swallow.

So what did I do?  I wandered, I took pictures and re-found my love for photography, I became a nudist and worked at a nudist resort, I begin to learn guitar, I read, I would wake up and just go wherever I wanted, I saw every movie I wanted to see, I sat on many beaches, played in the ocean, met new friends, went to galleries, smoked weed-hehe (not telling you to go smoke), took random road trips, laughed a lot, moved around to different cities, bought a macbook and begin writing, started my blog, started my Instagram, gave up Facebook-as it didn't and still doesn't suit me, I DID ME and enjoyed every moment of it!  I did this for almost four years, I did me!

Then one day I joined Plenty of Fish, yep I did it.  I wrote an honest profile and put up REAL pictures of myself.  Five months later I met the love of my life who completely accepts me for me and I completely accept him for him and now we have a baby on the way!

While I was out doing me for almost four years I never thought I needed to be in a relationship.  I was to busy having a relationship with myself and getting back in touch with me!  One thing I did know is I wouldn't settle and I won't.  If I happen to fall in love I will make sure it's the love of my life and not just be in a relationship to be in one.  Have you ever had a conversation with someone who is just with someone to be with someone, they sound terrible.  I stopped feeling bad for these types of people because every single day they/you have a choice to change your life, every second of everyday!  They/you choose to stay and for what reasons?

List of BS reasons people use...
1) we have kids together, well your kids are learning unhappy relationships from you!
2) we have a home together, stop being materialistic and sell that thing and go start your life!
3) we're comfortable together, doesn't sound like it from the look on your face and the way you complain about him/her..
4) we have a vacation coming up, cancel it and go on one by yourself and watch how many new friends you meet and how much more fun you have without him/her
5) were planning on buying a home, don't do it! Run while you have the chance!
6) we have to many bills together, you can pay bills while not being with someone smarty!
7) what will the neighbors say?  Are the neighbors living your life and are you living to please your neighbors?  STOP!  Go slap yourself!
8) what will my family say?  Are you living to paint a facade of a life and living for other people?  STOP!
Whatever excuse you have, it's BULLSHIT! Wake up already start living for you!