Are you in a relationship just to be in one?

I was single for three years before I met the love of my life.  People would tell me, you're in your 30's and approaching mid 30's what are you waiting for?  Why don't you just get into a relationship?  When are you going to have kids? What are you waiting for, you're not getting any younger.

Are you in a relationship just to be in one?  Have you asked yourself this question?  Heres some things to consider;

1) Are you in love or feeling it growing to love?
2) Do more things bother you about your partner then make you happy?
3) Do you complain to other people about your partner?
4) Do you enjoy spending a lot of time with your partner?
5) Do you prefer to vacation without your partner?
6) Do you look at your partner and think, I'm so lucky to have found you...
7) Do you cuddle with your partner?
8) If you are a public affection being, do you show public affection with your partner?
9) At the end of the day do you think, I can't wait to see him/her?
10) Do they broaden your horizons?
11) Do they make you want to be a better person just by being with them?
12) Do you genuinely accept your partner?
13) Are you wishing you were with someone else?
14) Are you happy with your partners short comings?

Think about your answers to these questions and your happiness.  Your happiness is extremely important, after all at then end of the day when you close your eyes you are with yourself and it's good to have good reflections of the day.

I personally spent time in relationships I shouldn't have been in at all because I THOUGHT that was what I wanted until one day I said that's enough of this crap of being around someone I don't really enjoy and can't wait to get away from.  So from that day I decided I would be single until I met THE ONE.  I wouldn't go on repeated dates with people I knew I had zero future with, wouldn't repeat dates of those who annoyed me, wouldn't be with someone just for their title-which I never did, I chose to put myself first before everything and I mean everything!  My family probably felt I was floating in directions I shouldn't, but I was doing everything I loved and enjoyed doing it because after all I would rather meet someone while I'm doing something I love even if society doesn't agree with it.  I'm not trying to please society or my family or anyone else, just me.  That's a hard pill for some to swallow.

So what did I do?  I wandered, I took pictures and re-found my love for photography, I became a nudist and worked at a nudist resort, I begin to learn guitar, I read, I would wake up and just go wherever I wanted, I saw every movie I wanted to see, I sat on many beaches, played in the ocean, met new friends, went to galleries, smoked weed-hehe (not telling you to go smoke), took random road trips, laughed a lot, moved around to different cities, bought a macbook and begin writing, started my blog, started my Instagram, gave up Facebook-as it didn't and still doesn't suit me, I DID ME and enjoyed every moment of it!  I did this for almost four years, I did me!

Then one day I joined Plenty of Fish, yep I did it.  I wrote an honest profile and put up REAL pictures of myself.  Five months later I met the love of my life who completely accepts me for me and I completely accept him for him and now we have a baby on the way!

While I was out doing me for almost four years I never thought I needed to be in a relationship.  I was to busy having a relationship with myself and getting back in touch with me!  One thing I did know is I wouldn't settle and I won't.  If I happen to fall in love I will make sure it's the love of my life and not just be in a relationship to be in one.  Have you ever had a conversation with someone who is just with someone to be with someone, they sound terrible.  I stopped feeling bad for these types of people because every single day they/you have a choice to change your life, every second of everyday!  They/you choose to stay and for what reasons?

List of BS reasons people use...
1) we have kids together, well your kids are learning unhappy relationships from you!
2) we have a home together, stop being materialistic and sell that thing and go start your life!
3) we're comfortable together, doesn't sound like it from the look on your face and the way you complain about him/her..
4) we have a vacation coming up, cancel it and go on one by yourself and watch how many new friends you meet and how much more fun you have without him/her
5) were planning on buying a home, don't do it! Run while you have the chance!
6) we have to many bills together, you can pay bills while not being with someone smarty!
7) what will the neighbors say?  Are the neighbors living your life and are you living to please your neighbors?  STOP!  Go slap yourself!
8) what will my family say?  Are you living to paint a facade of a life and living for other people?  STOP!
Whatever excuse you have, it's BULLSHIT! Wake up already start living for you!

Find YOUR PASSION!

  Sorry, I can’t attend your event or party today because I’m busy.  I’m busy editing photos, reading, lounging in bed, watching a movie, playing the guitar, day dreaming, blogging, wandering Earth capturing photographical moments or researching to assist clients.  Long story short I’m busy.  I’m busy doing things I love to do and this is more important to me right now then talking on the phone to you, texting you, listening to your same complaints or life stressors which you do nothing about other then keep complaining nagging my ear about.  Bottom line, I’d rather be doing this right now because this is what I LOVE to do. 

Although you didn’t ask for it, in my opinion it’s extremely important to have things you love to do in life, passions in life that make you smile, things you can’t tear yourself away from, something that causes you to grin from ear to ear when talking about.  Seven years ago I was in a seven-year relationship with a beautiful man who I still consider a friend today and he would say to me, “you have to do what you love no matter what, you have to have something you love to do when we are apart.”  At the time I didn’t get it nor understand what he meant.  I do now!  I watched him graduate from college then do something completely different than what he went to school for because that’s what he loved and still loves to do and that’s what inspired him!  He inspired me!

I can’t speak for all females, however I do know so many women give up on their dreams and dive deep into relationships putting their all into their mate.  Yes, it’s important to spend time with your significant other, however it’s also important to break away and do what YOU love to do.  After-all time away from a mate makes the heart grow fonder and gives one a realization of how much you value the time spent together when together.  I was that female at one point in my life who’s life evolved around my mate and didn’t spend time on my own doing things I love to do.  Over the years I’ve re-found my passions in life and started to and still to this day spend a lot of my time on my passions.  I highly value my alone time because it gives me time to re-connect with my soul every time I’m taking a picture of a beautiful landscape, watching a movie I love in theatres, researching how to assist a client, playing the guitar, or simply reaching deep sleep where rapid eye movement takes place and awakening with a realization and having that AHA moment!  Doing these things and making the time to do these things keeps me smiling, keeps me motivated, they even foster new found passions in my life.  I love to write, which is why I blog, I also write poetry and short stories which is something I’ve done since I was a child.  I have notebooks from childhood of stories and poems I wrote that made me smile.

We all have something we love to do.  If you are one of those who state, “I don’t have anything I love to do, I have no hobbies.”  Bullshit!  Yes you do, you just haven’t realized it yet.  We all have something we love to do!  Think back to when you were a kid and what you dreamed of, or what you loved to play, perhaps what you are really good at, what inspired you?  We all smile, what makes you smile? 

I hear many women state my children are my life, everything I do evolves around them.  Okay that’s cute and dandy but what else?  You can do something that involves children, I have a friend who created a children’s clothing line, my Aunt created a daycare, I see women blogging about children, or Mom’s that are now coaches, Moms who are authors, Moms who are photographers capturing moments of their children’s life and spending time on Pinterest or Instagram creating!  That’s all so beautiful to me, you found something you love and created a hobby out of it!  You can explore online and find out how you can create an activity for yourself involving your children which can turn into a hobby that you love.

Men do it to! If you like to work with your hands create your passion out of something you love to do, whether it be starting your own construction business, landscape business, acting, photography, video game development, drawing, or writing a book.  There are so many things you can spend your time on that create a beautiful smile on your face.

I personally feel I can’t be with a man who has no hobbies and doesn’t know what creates a fire in their own heart.  I don’t want you to spend 100% of your time with me because I need to break away and do what I love which makes me love you more.  I’ve been in relationships where men think I don’t care about them because I’m not texting them every second of the day nor acting jealous.  I’ve been told it makes certain men feel as if I don’t care or I’m out cheating on them.  So in turn they create events to try and make me jealous or talk about so and so hitting on them or the attention they get out and about in the world.  You don’t need me to validate you and I don’t need you to validate me.  If someone is going to cheat they are going to cheat, end of story.  You are where you choose to be.  Every second of your life you have a choice, choose wisely.

I’ve been told, you’re going to miss me one day!  Okay, if I don’t miss you today nor reach out to you, chances are I’m not going to miss you…  just being honest.  This type of statement makes me feel you are desperate, have no hobbies, selfish, immature, or simply you just haven’t found yourself yet.  I've been told, "I just wanted you to feel like I needed you."  Why would anyone wish for another being to need them?  Once again, get a hobby and don't sit around wanting someone to NEED you, instead wish the best for people and take a deeper exploration of self and find what makes you want others to need you.  You should always wish the best for people, in my opinion.  I care, but I don’t care at the same time.  Meaning I care about your well-being, but I don’t care enough to assist your negative irrational thoughts.  Go get a hobby.

Sleeping around is not a hobby ladies and gents.  Yea I said it!  Sleeping around shows theirs a piece of you that you are yet to discover which fosters desires to seek bodily pleasures from another being.  Sleeping around shows your lack of hobbies, lack of commitment, and lack of personal self-worth to care-fully about your health and what you can pick up from your random sex partners.  When you have sex with someone or lay next to someone you exchange energy.  Energy is important to me and I prefer my energy to be a certain way without contamination.  After all, condoms don’t protect against everything! 

I’m on two different online dating websites, however I don’t spend my entire day on them nor do I spend my entire thought process on wishing for love, wanting a partner, or even having my conversations solely about desires to not be alone.  NO!  Chances are you will meet someone who’s most likely a great partner for you by being true and authentic to self.  I could probably do better and create times to actually go on a date, but dang most times I’d rather be doing something else.  I will probably fall in love one day, if I don’t it’s not the end of the world. 

What makes you get in bed at night and be so excited to get up to do the next day?  Whatever that is, chances are that is what you should be doing.  I’m not talking about drugs or self-loathing activities.  I’m talking about what makes your heart beat faster, what makes you smile while doing, what makes you eager to get up?  Only you can find your hobby.  Only you can find your true you.  Only you can help you the most in living a happy life and fulfilled life.

Happiness is attractive, a smile is attractive.  People who live their purpose are more attractive to me.  Those with negative outlooks or stuck in jobs they hate are not attractive.   If you don’t like your life change it.  Yes, I know it doesn’t happen overnight nor do I encourage you to be like me and just quit, unless that’s what you truly need to do.   Find your happiness and once you put it on and wear it every-day you beam with light from the inside out and have a special glow about you that attracts more and more happiness.  By being positive and happy you create an environment in your body that builds upon more positivity and happiness.  Negativity is choice.  Happiness is choice. 

We were all born one day and we will die one day, this is inevitable.  This thought alone makes me do things every-day that I love to do.  Knowing that one day I will die makes me want to live each day doing things I love to do.  I want to have memories of happy times.  I don’t want to be a person that says, “I wish I would’ve.”  I strive every-day to say, “I did and it was a fucking blast!”

NOW GO DO YOU!  I LOVE YOU!